Daniel Bryan cut an absolutely scathing in-character promo in the Royal Rumble Axxess Story today. He tore into fans that continue to buy his merch, going as far as to say that he’d like to “punch them in the face”. Here are some of the quotes from the promo:
On His Disdain For Consumerism:
I’m at the Royal Rumble store at Axxess, and I’m really excited to be here! That my friends is what is called a lie. You see this place? Look around. I find this entire place to be despicable. This is what’s wrong with the world. You have all these people, all of whom have plenty of clothes and shirts, and yet we’re trying to entice them to buy more and more and more. They go, ‘Oh, we’re just trying to make the people happy.’ No, they just want your money.
On A.J. Styles:
You know who else wants your money? My opponent. You can get your XXXL AJ Styles shirt that you surely will fit into after you eat all the hot dogs that he’s been promoting on SmackDown, and you can get some gloves in all these different colors as if you need more than one set of AJ Styles gloves. Look at the plastic it’s put in, that’s good for the environment. It’s not like there are huge islands of trash in the pacific ocean!
On People Buying Styles’ Merch:
All the people are going to storm the store and buy all this stupid merchandise. What’s even worse [about this AJ Styles vest] is that it’s made out of leather. They like to say leather as if it’s not a cow, as if it’s not from a living, sentient being that was ripped from its mother at birth and then stuffed so you could eat it and then wear it. You think that’s acceptable?
On Merch Destroying The Planet:
That’s garbage. That’s making this world worse. That’s making the planet a worse place, and I’m the planet’s champion. I’m the champion for the cows!
On Hating His Own Merch & What It Stands For:
They know my stance on merchandise but look at what they made. Do not buy my shirts because they are bad for the planet. They know all of you idiots [will buy them]. I don’t want your money. If I see you wearing this then I want to slap you in the face! That’s what I think and yet, here they are. That’s why I have to beat AJ Styles because he’s telling people to consume, consume, consume. I’m telling you to stop.
You can listen to the full promo below:
Credit: WWE. H/T Wrestlezone.
