Open thread: Which Lions player would win a hot dog eating contest?

Fireworks on deck, but for now, the grill’s hot. One burning question for you on this holiday.

Hot dog, glizzy, meat pipe: they’re all one in the same, but on today’s celebration of Independence Day for the United States, they’re public enemy No. 1.

The Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest, the preeminent competitive eating competition, has become a time-honored tradition on July 4 since the 1970s. But without Joey Chestnut, the GOAT of competitive eating, the event has been sapped of its star power. The drama of a newcomer claiming the throne will be sure to create some intrigue, but without Chestnut, the toppling of records or the draw of a potential upset has gone down the drain along with the hot-dog-flavored water. Only the dogs remain, but all this talk of encased meat has me thinking…

Which Lions player would win the Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest?

At this point in the offseason, there are a lot of players to choose from because the roster—just like a beef frank—will never be as packed as it is now. All of this is ridiculous conjecture because I haven’t a clue about anyone’s eating habits or ability to put down franks, so by no means am I picking on anyone in this exercise.

Naturally, people would assume the big guys situated along the offensive and defensive lines are the most capable of eating hot dogs in bulk, but look no further than former NFL player William “The Refrigerator” Perry’s paltry performance in 2003 where he was only able to stomach four hot dogs and buns before bowing out of the competition early.

So the primary trait we’re really looking for in a competitive eater on this Lions roster is someone with perseverance and intestinal fortitude. Who’s going to keep powering down those hot dogs when the pain sets in and the bubbly guts get percolating?

Back in 2014, Michael Rothstein—friend of the PODcast and former Lions beat writer for ESPN.com—had a recurring “Question of the Week” article where he would gather a cross-section of opinions from Lions players and coaches (and sometimes opponents) about wide-ranging topics. When he polled the Lions locker room about who would win an eating contest, plenty of players immediately identified guard Larry Warford, a player who was over 330 pounds when he arrived to Detroit in 2013, as the guy to beat. But Warford was adamant he wasn’t that kind of eater, and when he and fellow offensive lineman LaAdrian Waddle speculated who could be victorious instead, they highlighted a couple of tight ends: Brandon Pettigrew and Joseph Fauria.

With all of this intel in mind, Frank Ragnow is certainly up near the top of that list. He’s the first name that comes to mind when it comes to playing and performing through pain, but I’m not sure how he feels about hot dogs. If this was a fish and chips eating contest, there’d be no reason to continue sifting through this Lions roster: this would be Ragnow’s event to lose.

Sam LaPorta is another contender to consider. He’s young, tough, and recently removed from college which has to account for something. He’s still equipped with a stomach capable of withstanding the kind of onslaught a bunch of processed meat would present.

And lastly, to round out the competition, Colby Sorsdal because who isn’t going to bet on this guy?

Who do you think would end up the winner of a hot dog eating contest among this Lions roster?

Have a happy and safe 4th of July, everyone.