Impact Wrestling
Date: April 27, 2017
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Josh Matthews, D’Angelo Dinero
It’s back to Orlando and of course that means more from the battle of the announcers. Last week’s show ended with Low Ki becoming the new X-Division Champion but the last thing we saw was Jeremy Borash finally punching Josh Matthews in the face. I’m not sure where we go next but I have a feeling this doesn’t end until Slammiversary in July. Let’s get to it.
We open with a recap of last week’s show. Rewatching it doesn’t make it better.
Opening sequence.
The announcers preview the show….and here’s Josh Matthews. This company will not tolerate bullying announcers and Borash is J. B. Loser because yes, this feud is now a parody/reference to the JBL/Mauro feud. Borash is suspended from commentary and gone indefinitely. Josh takes his place on commentary.
Trevor Lee vs. Matt Sydal
Sydal is the former Evan Bourne and used to wrestle for the company. Therefore, the announcement of this being his debut is inaccurate as it would be his return, though that’s the least of this company’s problems. Sydal kicks at the legs to start but gets tossed outside. Back in and they trade some kicks with Sydal hitting something like Big Show’s Log Roll (standing legdrop) for two, only to have to deal with Gregory Helms. That goes badly for the Helms Dynasty though as some heel miscommunication sets up the shooting star press to give Sydal the pin at 4:45.
Result: Matt Sydal b. Trevor Lee – Shooting star press (4:45)
Sienna doesn’t think much of Karen Jarrett.
Here’s Ethan Carter III for a chat. After making fun of the “Make Impact Great” line, Carter talks about Bruce Prichard telling him to look in the mirror. Carter did just that and saw a demigod. He’s tired of hearing the fans telling him that they liked him better as a bad guy. Carter is going to Slammiversary to recover the glory that he never should have lost in the first place. That only leaves James Storm, who is all talk and doesn’t need to be in Carter’s world.
Cue Storm to say he’s not here to dance because he hasn’t had enough to drink and Carter isn’t a pretty lady. Storm calls him fugly and asks for a fight but Carter walks out. One more insult brings Ethan back inside for the fight with James easily getting the better of it. Carter hides behind a production assistant though and he gets in a low blow to leave Storm laying.
KM yells at a waiter who thought the large man called his meal good. Apparently that’s what’s wrong with America today.
Christina Von Eerie is the GFW Women’s Champion and will fight anyone.
GFW Women’s Title: Christina Von Eerie vs. Ava Storie
Von Eerie is defending and starts fast with a running boot to the face. A few OY OY OY chants look to set up a fireman’s carry but Storie slips out and hammers away. Josh brags about breaking JB’s streak of consecutive Impact’s because he forgets that JB was already on the show. Storie puts her on the middle rope but gets caught in a kind of super Backstabber to retain Von Eerie’s title at 2:58.
Result: Christian Von Eerie b. Ava Storie – Super Backstabber (2:58)
Swoggle comes through the crowd and messes with Spud’s hair.
Low Ki talks about wanting to revive the X-Division, which is always changing.
Video on Davey Richards vs. Eddie Edwards.
Alberto El Patron thinks he should be #1 contender but here’s Magnus, who says he should get the shot because the GFW Title is a golden ticket. Karen Jarrett comes in and makes a GFW Title match for the #1 contendership.
Video on Moose, complete with Monday Night Football music.
Grand Championship: Moose vs. Davey Richards
Moose is defending and has NFL Pro Bowlers D’Angelo Williams and Gary Barnidge in his corner. Moose throws Richards into the corner to start but gets superkicked in the leg to bring him off the ropes. Actually hang on a second as Davey stops to kiss Angelina Love. We hit a Figure Four for a long time until Moose grabs the rope with three seconds left.
Davey easily wins the first round but gets caught in an early powerbomb to start the second. Moose’s moonsault gets two but the Game Changer is blocked by more kicks. A hard running clothesline turns Davey inside out for two but he grabs the ropes until the clock runs out.
Moose wins the round to tie it up and dropkicks Davey out to the floor to start the third. Back in and Davey powerbombs his way out of a belly to belly superplex, followed by a top rope double stomp for two. We hit an ankle lock but here’s Eddie Edwards to jump Davey at 9:30 to keep the title on Moose.
Result: Davey Richards b. Moose via DQ when Eddie Edwards interfered (9:30)
The NFL guys shove Richards down and Barnidge gets in a slam.
Swoggle rips up Spud’s notes so Spud pulls off Swoggle’s pants.
Matt Sigmon vs. Kongo Kong
Kongo has Laurel Van Ness, Sienna and KM with him. Sigmon’s shots to the ribs have no effect and Kongo gives him a sitout powerslam. The Cannonball sets up the top rope splash for the pin at 2:11.
Result: Kongo Kong b. Matt Sigmon – Top rope splash (2:11)
Fallah Bahh/Mario Bokara vs. Veterans of War
The Veterans are Mayweather (Crimson) and Wilcox (Jax Dane, former NWA World Champion). Mario gets backdropped so it’s off to the huge Bahh. Wilcox hits a delayed Samoan drop and a High/Low gets two on Fallah. A double suplex has no effect on Mayweather so it’s a Magic Killer for the pin on Mario at 3:30.
Result: Veterans of War b. Fallah Bahh/Mario Bokara – Magic Killer to Bokara (3:30)
Mayweather says the Veterans of War aren’t just characters because it’s who they are. He says they’d answer the call to go fight again at the drop of a hat but for now, they’re bringing the fight to Impact. They look forward to getting a shot at the Tag Team Titles because together, they are one.
Swoggle, now in a towel, beats on Spud with a hammer before being ejected by security.
Eli Drake rants about being ignored and Tyrus doesn’t think much of it.
Tag Team Titles: Decay vs. LAX
LAX is defending and this is a street fight. It’s a brawl to start with Decay getting the better of it, including Abyss taking both champs down with a double clothesline. The barbed wire board is thrown in and it’s off to a break. Back with a large selection of weapons in the ring and Homicide hitting Abyss in the back with a chair.
It’s time for the kendo stick shots to the back as the champs keep dominating. Abyss saves Steve from a double superplex and throws him onto both champs. A chokeslam gets no cover so Abyss pelts a chair at Ortiz’s head. Rosemary mists Abyss by mistake though, allowing Santana to spear him through a barbed wire board. Diamante German suplexes Rosemary and Abyss is sandwiched between two barbed wire boards.
Steve comes back in though and gets two off a Death Valley Driver with Konnan making the save. Thankfully Steve doesn’t bother with Konnan but he does have to deal with Homicide. That goes nowhere so Steve puts Ortiz on a table and covers him with tacks, only to have Homicide make another save. The Street Sweeper through the table retains the titles at 13:37.
Result: LAX b. Decay – Street Sweeper through a table to Steve (13:37)
A lot of posing ends the show.
Quick Results
Matt Sydal b. Trevor Lee – Shooting star press
Christina Von Eerie b. Ava Storie – Super Backstabber
Davey Richards b. Moose via DQ when Eddie Edwards interfered
Kongo Kong b. Matt Sigmon – Top rope splash
Veterans of War b. Fallah Bahh/Mario Bokara – Magic Killer to Bokara
LAX b. Decay – Street Sweeper through a table to Steve
